On the Rain

It is raining

I’m crawling under my warm blanket

Staring at the ceiling

Recalling pieces of my treasured memories

—I silence

 

It was sprinkling

The first time we met each other

I was crying, soaking by rainfall

But you suddenly came and said: “You can borrow my back.”

—I smile

 

It was drizzling

When you held my hand for the first time

You said: “I want to stay by your side forever”

My heart fluttered, like it was going to burst

—I weep

 

It was pouring

When heaven took your spirit back

I just couldn’t say a word

You’ve promised, but you’re the one who brake it

—I cry

 

I hate rain!

For the memories of you that it brings as the water starts to falls

Keeps torturing me like flood in my brain

But when rain start to stop, you follow

Leaving a unique scent of the wet soil

One Day Sky

The sun is swimming in the blue sky, I see
Clouds’ so white like a cotton candy
Wind comes and blows them gently
Sunlight penetrates my room like a string
Force me up from where I’m lying

I am Me

I— is the beginning of a story about me

don’t expect too much because it is not beautiful at all

I— is never be as worth as a gold

yet, can shine brighter than a gold does

I— is never be as warm as the sun

yet, can be a blanket for people’s heart

I— can never stand as tall as the Eiffel Tower

yet, standing on my own feet with my will which is taller than any other tower in the world

I— can never be the wind that blows those palm trees on the beach

yet, can caress people’s feeling to make them better

I— will never be the fog that decorates a mountain every chilly day

yet, can be the mist that greet people’s sight every morning

 

I am ordinary

with every single life on my own

I am proud

with everything’s made by God

I am strong

in every weakness I have

I am perfect

in every imperfect things I’ve done

I am just— me

Triangle

If you have a choice, what will you choose? Friend or lover?

Recently, I’ve been hooked by this topic. Because, for the last few days, I’ve been listening to some songs and watched a video clip about— let me say— “love triangle” between best friend and lover. Do you want to know what I got? Here are some stories:

First story is about a man who already broken up with his girlfriend. One day, his best friend asked him if he wanted to date his ex-girlfriend. His friend also said that he will cherish her better than the man do, also will not let her down. This man can’t do anything because his relationship with the woman is over. Although deep inside his heart, he can not let her go with another man. So, he hoped so much that she would not fall in love with him, because he still wanted her to come back.

Second, is about a man who falls in love with a woman, but they are not dating. One day, the woman got a gunshot in her arm, this man saved her and brought her to a place where he and his best friend live. There, he cured her fondly. But, before her wound’s totally healed, he had to go somewhere and left her for a few days. So, he asked his best friend to look after her. As he left, the woman started to fall in love with his friend. When the man came home, he saw them were cuddling on the sofa and both best friend had a quarrel short after the man forced the woman to go with him. The man took out a gun from his pocket and pointed it at his friend. The woman run to protect him. But suddenly, the man turned his gun and shot his own head.

The stories above are the proof that it is very difficult to decide our first priority— between your best friend and the one you love so much. In the story number one. The man can’t do anything except tells his friend to be a better boyfriend. Here, the man has realized that there nothing he can do with his relationship with her. He still loves her but let her go with another man because he doesn’t want to force the woman’s feeling. He releases her to be happy with another man who can treat her better than he has done when she was with him. So, I can say that this man is thinking about the woman’s happiness. Maybe he would be happy if the woman is also happy even though the one who is by herself is not him.

My same thought is also for the second story. The man’s love towards the woman is sincere. He save the woman and take care of her. But when the woman made a choice to go with another man, he was angry at first, and then thinks about his best friend whom he has known for a very long time. He also saw that his friend has the same feeling towards the woman. So, he decided to kill himself. Here, in this case I think that it is very difficult for the man to make a choice. He didn’t want to make the falling in love couple suffering by making one of them die, for instead he sacrifice himself and let them happy, because he love that woman also his best friend.

What do you think if you were in that case? What will you do?

I don’t have any opinion about that. Because I’m a woman, while the protagonists who suffering in those stories are all men. But, if I were in their shoes, I will let them together if that makes them happy. While I will look for another woman who can love me better. Because I know that there will be another beautiful thing when we can willingly let something go.

Okay, I think I’ve been talking too much. It’s time to make another writing. For BEAST and MBLAQ, your songs are the inspiration of this writing, thank you!

So pals! What will you choose? Friendship or love?

Yours

pic by: devianart

 

I wanna be the air you breathe

I wanna be the sunshine when you wake up

I wanna be the breeze you feel around your neck

I wanna be the beautiful landscape you see

I wanna be the cold water you touch with your tiptoe

 

I wish I’ll be your favorite apple you eat in the morning

I wish I’ll be your favorite song you listen every night

I wish I’ll be your favorite summer heat

I wish I’ll be your favorite smell after the rain

I wish I’ll be your favorite star that shines brightly besides the moon

 

If I were a sea, can you be my sandy beach?

If I were a flower, can you be my steady stalk?

If I were a snowflake, can you be my resting ground?

If I were a bird, can you be my comfortable nest?

If I were a black, can you be my pure white?

 

I want to be—

I wish I will be—

or can I be— yours?

 

SEASIDE

 

Have you ever imagined yourself laid alone by the seashore and covered with a warm white beach’s sand? It will be warm and dazzling, I suppose. Because of the sunburn that makes the sand feels so warm and sunlight that makes your eyes cannot wide open. All you have to do is just close your eyes and feel that warm sand gently touch your skin.

With your eyes closed, you will also be able to listen every single sound around you. Try to listen to the voice of the wave, hear it’s singing with the foam. They can make a beautiful melody that you can’t find it anywhere else. Little by little, they slowly embrace you to give a soft coldness upon your tiptoe, so you won’t feel burden with the sand which is getting a little hotter.

Still with your eyes closed, you will feel the wind gently wrap itself around you. Slowly touch your face, so you can smell the freshness of water that it brings through your nose. Feel it fusses your hair and sings you a lullaby until you fall into your dreamy land.

I Can’t

This is the first time I feel this kind of sickness

It feels like you’re pushed to do something that you hate the most!

I’ve got so frustrated

Like I don’t want to do it anymore

My head seems going to burst

I really hate this!

But it keeps pushing me to be done

I’ve tried to avoid it

But I can’t

 

What’s wrong with myself?

I’m so sick of it

I want to scream out loud

Get rid all of these things

But I can’t

All I got is just tears

 

I want to escape

But I can’t

I want to run

But I can’t

I’ve told myself to hold on

But I can’t

 

I don’t want to be like this

Why should I do this?

I’ve said “I CAN’T”

LISTEN

A girl sit upon the window at night
Silently, listening
The sound of rain cracking a silent night
She’s wishpering “Can it be a remedy of a broken heart?”

As wind blows slowly through the rainy night
Her wound still remain there
Recalling that memory by a dusty album on her lap
He’s gone, that’s all she know

Rain turns into drizzle
A melody of crickets’s make can be heard
Her heart still aching
Teardrops can’t be hold anymore

Is it hard for just listening?
The voice of a heart that never be heard?
Try to remain silent for a while
So you can understand how it feels

What will I be?

My name is Tutriana Ayu Sekarrosa and I am 21 years old.

If you ask me what will I be, I don’t think that I can answer it. Because actually, I have not decided what I am going to do when I graduated from this college.  I believe I can be everything I want. All I have to do is working hard to make my dreams come true.

Future is uncertain, who knows I can be a great person someday— or maybe I will just become a common woman with a happy life. But, for me the only certain thing is, I want to be like my mother. Why? Because….

1. She is a hard working woman. She is still working until now to make our living. She doesn’t want to be just stay at home and let my daddy works alone.
2. She is an independent woman. No matter how hard or how much her works are, if she thinks that she can do it by herself, she always tries to do it alone without troubling anyone else.
3. She is a tough woman. Long time ago, when my daddy still worked at Jakarta, she took care of me and my brother by herself. She can do both, take care of the children and do the house works as well.
4. She is a caring woman. I always know that she loves me even tough she never say “I love you” orally. But yesterday (March, 10^th 2012)— In the morning, I received a short message from my mom. She texted me and wished me a happy birthday— just for your information, 10^th of March is my birthday— As usual, she wished me to be healthy and happy, but there was an unusual word that she wrote in the end of her message. She said “Mami sayang kamu selalu” (in English: “Mom always loves you”). That was so weird for me, but that were also successfully made me weeping and touched because she rarely says that she loves me.
5. She is a great cook. I can’t find any delicious food than my mother’s foods. Even the greatest chef of the world can’t beat my mother’s ability as the greatest chef in my heart!

Those are just a few things that I can tell about my mother. Whatever my future is, I just wish that I can be like her. And now, in my 21th years old, I just want to be a better person. A person who can be relied by others and makes them happy being around me.

L-O-V-E

What is the meaning of love?

 

Some say that love can not be described. Some say that love is the heaven on earth. Some say that love is only about giving and never take for granted. What ever people say about love, the only thing that I know is LOVE must be something wonderful.

 

Actually, I’m not an expert to tell you about love, because I only learn love from my parents. A kind of love that I feel when I’m with my mom and dad. When you ask me about the feeling of love towards the opposite sex of mine, I can honestly say that I have NOT felt it yet.

 

So, there are some kinds of love, aren’t they?

 

I will tell you some story about – I will say it ‘love’ – but I don’t know if you will get another perspective about this ‘my love story’. Or maybe you can help me to divide which one is the true love story and which one is not.

 

OK. Let’s see what I’ve got. But- FYI, this is not my own experience, I just write about what I saw recently and I put some opinion about it.

 

 A few days ago, I saw a couple, a boy and a girl, they are still kid, maybe around 7-8 years old. They were playing together; I heard the girl said to the boy to go home, but the boy kept insist to accompany her. I don’t know, but I kept smiling by myself when I heard that conversation. I felt that the boy likes her so much. That was so cute, wasn’t it? The boy wanted to stay beside the girl all the time, like he doesn’t want to be separated with her. Is that love? Can a little kid like them understand the meaning of love?

 

A week ago, I also saw a couple. This couple is already old. I saw them in the train on my way back to Jogja, they were sat in front of me. I’m always happy to see an old couple like that, I feel that their love is very sincere, they keep stay close to each other for a long time, and I can see that they can stay like that for the next couple time until the death split them apart. Is that a real love? I often heard people say, that a couple who live together for a very long time still can feel a love, but their priority is not ‘love’ anymore. They live together because of their need. They need each other to continue their life and take care of the children. So, I think this age of love is a mature love. A condition where their love can not be given not only for their selves but they have to share their love to their children too.

 

Next, is a love story that happen to a couple who have already adult. They are not too old but they are not a kid anymore, so I can say that they are ‘adult’. I got this story from a Korean drama that I’ve finished watching it yesterday. This drama is called 49 Days which last for 20 episodes. This drama is about a girl who is coma because of the accident. Her spirit still wandering around and she must collect 3 pure tears that she can get from people who love her sincerely to be able to stay alive again.

 

But here, I don’t want to talk about this girl, I want to talk about another girl in this story who can not live happily for a very long time because her boyfriend’s dead. She and her boyfriend have known each other since they were kid and her boyfriend became her guardian when they were adult because they are orphans. Ever since, the man takes care of the woman so much. They can not be separated until her boyfriend dead in the age of 23. In the end of the story, she has a chance to meet her boyfriend who passed away 5 years ago. Her boyfriend can meet her because he still has something to say to her.

 

 In that scene, I see a true love, I sincere love that I can feel even tough I have not experienced it before. There are some lines that I like the most in this scene. When the man is about to leave, the woman says: “I feel sorry for always receiving from you and never paying you back.” And the man answers: “Pay it back to the person who loves you. Instead of me, give it to that person.” Isn’t that a touching line? I was crying so badly when I watched that touching scene. In my opinion, that is a type of love that only gives and never takes for granted. Like a love that a mother gives to her children.

 

So, there are so many love story, aren’t they? For you who are curious about the drama that I watched recently, here’s the poster of that drama. If you are a drama lover, I recommend this for you. So, you have to watch it if you have a time. (:

Okay, this is my love story which is actually not my own love story. What about yours?